I haven’t written anything here in three months. I’ve always been that way…setting off plans and boasting about them yet never actually achieving them. I assert that I am in no way pretentious, as I know in my head that any plan rooting from a noble cause is easily achievable for one truly intelligent. But…the heart is a different matter. The plan is there freely to be acted upon but the motivation is somewhere else. For one so conflicted, it easy to slip away…
What was it the wanted to begin with any way? An amusing little something to open up my castle to newcomers? sigh…that never materialized now, did it?
How does one who had destroyed his life once and took away everyone’s expectations expect anyone to expect anything from him again? The answer to that question, I guess, is to keep on moving. It doesn’t necessarily mean “to move on” as it’s totally fine to keep the memories your head, so long as you don’t let them bother you; and in fact, it is because of memories and experience that a writer is driven to write.
To keep moving means 3 things:
1. To not hold back the process of doing. Second thoughts may arise, but I must not let the doubts destroy my productivity and rather I should destroy the doubt myself in the fastest manner that I can.
2. To be not be restrained by morals. I’ll let those things come along only when I’m already editing what I’ve done doing or if someone gave me the needed criticism. Stopping to bother oneself with the righteousness of a single sentence is like not moving your car forward because there’s a half-naked lunatic in the middle road who refuses to get out of the away. Either you kick that bitch off the road or your drive past it.
3. Most importantly, I must let my brain flow. I’ve come to realize that there is no such thing as a set of correct ways to doing what you want. That, the rules I’ve been reading are actually just guides for me to think for myself. Your brain acts upon the event itself, not on predetermined rules. The problem with a problematic mindset is that you unconsciously hold back the natural flow of your brain by immediately setting rules to yourself. You deviate away from the steady flow of your brain if it doesn’t comply with the “rule” you’ve imposed upon your thoughts. Do not cut off the stream of thoughts! It already knows what it’s doing and where it’s going so it doesn’t need a yardstick to revolve upon. You have a beautiful mind…do not leave it hauled-up and crying in a cage. Let it run the farthest it can go!
You are a writer and you are the most intelligent person out there. You know what is right and what is wrong more than anyone else, and that is why you write. So why question yourself with what to do when you actually already know? why bother yourself with what they think?
Holding back is the very thing that causes everyone to think you’re lazy. In truth, you have the potential to work harder than everyone but you’re just too damn timid to act up.